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how to do long distance marriage

how to do long distance marriage

Promoting healthy communication and habits when you’re living apart from your spouse

Whether it is for work, family obligations, or any other reason, there may come a time in your marriage when you and your spouse need to separate. While a long distance marriage probably isn’t your ideal scenario, rest assured that there are ways you can make the transition more comfortable for you and your spouse. We’ve compiled the best tips for staying connected with your partner while long distance, as well as information on how you can talk to your kids about this new dynamic.

[Edit]things you should know

  • To help a long distance marriage work, make time to talk to your partner once a day (or every other day).
  • Get to know each other over the little details of your life so that you feel close and connected to each other.
  • Put an end date on the long distance part of your marriage so you both have something to look forward to.
  • If you have children, explain the situation in age-appropriate language, and reassure them that the parent who is leaving still loves them very much.


[Edit]making long distance marriage work

  1. Synchronize your schedules so you can talk to each other. With kids, work, and other responsibilities, it can be hard to find uninterrupted time in your day. Work with your partner to find 10 to 15 minutes each day where the two of you can talk on the phone or video chat with each other. That way, you’re making communication a priority and making eye contact at least once a day.[1]
    long distance marriage step 1.jpg
    • If you have kids, make sure your spouse talks to them at least once a day. Usually, right before bed is a good time to chat and meet.
    • Talking every day works for some couples, but it may be too much for others. If you only want to talk to your spouse every other day or every few days, tell them directly and make a plan.
  2. Use technology to connect with each other. Nowadays, there are many ways in which you and your spouse can talk to each other even when you are apart. You can call each other on the phone, text each other, video chat with each other, or even send each other emails. Find out which method of communication works best for you and your partner.[2]
    long distance marriage step 2.jpg
    • You can also send each other pictures and videos throughout the day, especially if one of you is babysitting. Sharing these little bits of your day with your spouse can help you feel connected even when you’re far apart.
  3. Switch how you communicate with each other. When you’ve been living long distance for a while, using the same method of communication can get old. While technology is great, try switching things up by writing each other letters or sending care packages. Analog forms of communication take a little longer, but they can make both of you feel extra loved and special on difficult days.[3]
    long distance marriage step 3.jpg
  4. Share the boring details of your day with each other. When you live with someone, you get to know the “boring” details of their daily life. When you’re over long distance, you might miss out on some of those details. When you talk to your partner, tell them silly, boring things that you don’t think are worth mentioning. This will bring both of you closer to each other and make you feel more connected.[4]
    long distance marriage step 4.jpg
    • For example, you can tell your spouse what you had for lunch today or the stupid thing your co-worker said during a meeting.
    • Or, you can share that your child has a new favorite toy, or that you took the kids to the park but then it started raining.
  5. Make time for sex. Even when you are in a long distance relationship, you can still be sexually involved with your partner. If sex is an important part of your relationship, make time to have phone sex or send dirty text messages. While it’s no substitute for the real thing, these little acts of intimacy will make a long distance relationship feel more manageable.[5]
    long distance marriage step 5.jpg
    • Be sure to talk it over with your partner and make sure they are comfortable with anything sexual before you try it. Some people aren’t a fan of phone sex or sexting, and that’s okay.
  6. Talk about your feelings together. Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy. Whether you are happy, sad, upset or anything in between, tell your partner. They don’t need to fix things for you, but you both need to provide a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on for each other.[6]
    long distance marriage step 6.jpg
    • Long distance marriages can be difficult, and both of you may have some rough days. Share these thoughts with your partner, even if you’re worried it might make them feel sad or guilty. They need to know how you’re feeling so that you can stay emotionally connected.
  7. Raise any issues immediately. Communication is important in any relationship, but it’s even more important when you and your spouse don’t live together. If you’re having problems with the relationship or with long-distance mobility, tell your partner right away. That way, you can tackle problems at their root rather than allowing them to become bigger.[7]
    long distance marriage step 7.jpg
    • “Hey, can we talk? We promised we’d call each other every day, but the last 2 nights I called you, you were busy. I want you to prioritize our relationship.” , even when you’re busy.”
    • “Do you have another one to chat with? I’m feeling a little disappointed that we don’t have any plans to see each other anytime soon. Can we talk about visiting you this weekend ?”
  8. Trust your partner without double checking. When your spouse is estranged from you, you may find yourself feeling jealous or like you don’t trust them 100%. While it’s perfectly fine to check in on your spouse and see what they’re doing, avoid questioning them or accusing them of anything. Get over that jealousy by acknowledging your feelings and then letting them go.[8]
    Long Distance Marriage Step 8.jpg
    • If your partner has given you a valid reason to feel jealous, bring it up with them.[9] Say something like, “When you posted a picture with your coworker, it made me a little jealous. Can you assure me that nothing is going on between the two of you?”
  9. Set up a time to meet each other in person. Phone calls and texting are great, but in-person visits carry a lot more weight. It doesn’t matter how long distance the two of you plan to live, make an effort to see each other as often as you can. While juggling kids and work schedules can be difficult, seeing each other is the best way to keep your relationship strong while living long distance.[10]
    long distance marriage step 9.jpg
  10. Set a timeline for the long distance portion of your marriage. Long distance relationships are hard work, especially when both of you are already married. Be sure to set end goals for the long distance segment of your relationship. That way, you both have something to look forward to, and it’s not an uncertain time.[11]
    Long Distance Marriage Step 10.jpg
  11. live your own life. Keep up with your friends and pursue your hobbies even when you are away from your spouse. Maintaining a long distance relationship is hard work, but it shouldn’t dominate your life. Practice self-care and take time for yourself too.[12]
    Long Distance Marriage Step 11.jpg

[Edit]How does long distance marriage affect the children?

  1. Long distance parenting can be difficult for young children to accept. While a long distance marriage is difficult for you and your spouse, it can be even more difficult for your children. Young children may not understand where their other parent is going or why they cannot see them every day. However, staying in constant contact and explaining the condition to your children in age-appropriate language will help them understand that this is a short-term condition.[13]
    Long Distance Marriage Step 12.jpg
    • For example, you might explain a long-distance marriage to a young child this way: “Your mom is going to be living a little far away for work, but we’ll still talk to her on the phone every day. And she’ll be back every month.” Come visit us, so you’ll hardly miss her! It may be a little rough at first, but your mom and I want you to know that she still loves you very much.

[Edit]Can a marriage last long distance?

  1. Yes, marriages can last long distance if both you and your partner want to. Long distance marriages (and long distance relationships in general) are difficult, but they are not impossible. As long as you and your partner are both committed to making things work, you can have a healthy, loving marriage no matter where you are in the world.[14]
    Long Distance Marriage Step 13.jpg
    • Surveys show that only about 60% of long distance relationships are successful.[15] In fact, many people find that taking some time away from their partner helps them return to the relationship feeling refreshed and revitalized.


  1. https://www.npr.org/2020/08/26/906236738/long-distance-relationships-are-tough-heres-advice-for-making-them-work
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
  4. https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-make-long-distance-relationships-work
  5. https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-make-long-distance-relationships-work
  6. https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-make-long-distance-relationships-work
  7. https://www.npr.org/2020/08/26/906236738/long-distance-relationships-are-tough-heres-advice-for-making-them-work
  8. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
  9. [v161025_b01], 7 August 2019
  10. https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-make-long-distance-relationships-work
  11. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
  12. https://www.npr.org/2020/08/26/906236738/long-distance-relationships-are-tough-heres-advice-for-making-them-work
  13. https://docs.iza.org/dp6965.pdf
  14. https://www.npr.org/2020/08/26/906236738/long-distance-relationships-are-tough-heres-advice-for-making-them-work
  15. https://nypost.com/2018/10/31/long-distance-relationships-are-more-successful-than-you-think/


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