If you’re unsure whether or not your friend is actually a true friend, it usually means that something has happened that has caused you to doubt something. The fact is that you can’t be sure that the friendship is in question and your gut feelings need to be addressed before you can continue to trust this friendship. So, is this friend true to you or not?

[Edit]step

[Edit]Does your friend want to be with you?

1. Spend time with your friend. Spending time together is a normal and expected part of friendship.^[1] Start here because it’s the best clue as to whether or not your friend is ready to put effort into the friendship. Here are things to consider about how your friend responds to wanting to spend time with you:
   
   • If your friend makes up the time, that’s a good sign. Friends make time for each other and don’t act grumpy or like they’d rather be somewhere else. Sometimes your friend might be really busy and that’s okay, as long as your friend makes time to be together when it’s appropriate, such as during a break or lunch, maybe on a weekend, or a holiday. At the time of etc.
   • If your friend doesn’t want to make time or comes up with tons of excuses every time you try, you have a warning sign that she’s not eager to be around you. If you have made arrangements to go somewhere together and your friend keeps on backing out of such arrangements, that is also a clear sign. Understand that no one is “always busy” – it’s just an excuse that they don’t want to make you a priority.
   • If your friend cheats on you almost all the time, and it doesn’t seem like a joke, then they really aren’t a good friend.
2. See what happens if you try to approach a friend who is giving you signs that he doesn’t want to be around you. tag along with them. It may sound corny but you can say, “Hey, how’s everything going today?” And go with your friend. Pay attention to his reaction and comfort level. If he or she is your friend, they will be thrilled to have you around. If he isn’t, your friend may stutter, fail to talk to you, shrug a lot, and try to walk faster to get away from you.
   
3. Invite your friend to your place for a party or special occasion. Invite your friend and see whether he accepts the invitation or not. If your friend comes over, is he being friendly with you or is he ignoring you and just filling up on cake and soda and grabbing the goodie bag while leaving early? Since you are the host or the main focus of attention when it is at your place, a good friend should spend time talking to you and being friendly. A bad friend will use this opportunity to get what he or she wants out of it, then say goodbye from there.
   

[Edit]How helpful is your friend?

1. Remember that friendship isn’t about people being true to your face. It’s about the people who are true behind your back. This section includes some “tests” that you can use to observe and note how your friend behaves when you are not there to defend yourself. These tests are all optional, and you can try one, two or all of them, or just skip this section — do what you feel most comfortable with. Ultimately, your feelings will matter most, so skip to Part 3, if necessary.
   
   • You should try to assess the dynamics of the relationship and make sure that there is a balance in your friendship. It shouldn’t be one-sided, with you constantly giving all your time and feeling that energy is being sucked out.^[2]
2. Observe how your friend is when he doesn’t care that you’re about him. This gives you an opportunity to find out what kind of people your friend hangs out with or if they say anything bad about you or any of your close friends. Stay around where they hang out and just stay quietly in the background, don’t say anything and don’t draw attention to yourself, keep a good distance. Don’t give away any clues that you’re seeing them, and if they’re not such good friends, they probably won’t even notice you. They may say inappropriate things about you, or about someone else who is really close to you.
   
   • Listen for verbal cues, and also look for physical and emotional cues.
3. Consider how your friend handles your trust. A good, trustworthy friend won’t gossip about you and spread rumors or, worse yet, lies. Does your friend hold all your beliefs? Have you ever heard something you only told this friend about and it was said by someone else that you didn’t?^[3]
   
   • Test your friend. Tell him that you have a false secret, and see if your friend spreads rumors about the matter. Make sure your fake secret is scandalous enough, but involves no one but you.
4. Set up a trolling test. This is completely optional and if it seems weird, awkward or undesirable, skip it. If you think it might help and you have someone who is willing to help, that might be another thing to add to your decision making mix. So, the test is this: Ask a classmate or co-worker to talk about you in an unflattering way to your friend, and have the classmate or co-worker record or tell you everything they said. If your classmate or co-worker can’t record a reaction, have your friend observe while the unpleasant scene unfolds. If your friend defends you, that’s a great sign of loyalty, but if they cave in and start hating you back, you know this person isn’t a true friend.
   

[Edit]How does your friend treat you?

1. Be wary of friends who force you to do things their way or when they want. If they want you to toe the line regardless of how you feel or what you like to do, then that means they don’t care about you, and only want you to be a Wanted as henchman/henchman. This is a case of being used, not liked, and is a classic sign of a controlling personality. It’s nearly impossible to be good friends with that kind of person, because you never know when they’ll like you for what you can do for them or like you for what you do.
   
2. Think about how you feel when you talk to this person. Can you be yourself or do you feel like you have to be “a certain way” or be really careful about what you say? A true friend is someone you can be yourself around and who won’t judge you for your weird quirks, weird blurts, and weird ways you see the world. A true friend will accept you as the package that you are and won’t expect you to walk on eggshells or censor the way you talk. When you don’t have to be careful about what you say, that’s when you’re around the right person.
   
   • A friend is someone who gives you the freedom to be yourself. Nothing less is true friendship.
3. Temporarily distance yourself from your friend. Does your friend wonder why you are doing this and ask you questions? Or, does this friend seem relieved that you’re not around? This can be an extremely important factor when trying to determine how much this person cares for you, as the only person who listens to your silence and your absence really cares for you.
   
4. Consider what happens when you need to. True friends stay with you in happiness and sorrow. Difficulty is actually a good barometer for true friends in your life. When you experience difficulties and hardships you only lose friends who were masquerading as friends. Those fair weather dudes are not worth your time or effort, as they are people hopping from relationship to relationship, always wanting what’s in store for them. A true friend stays with you, supports and loves you no matter what happens. A good friend is someone who is willing to share in both your joy and sorrow, notice and be there for both.^[4]
   
   • A good friendship is one in which each friend only needs what that person has to offer of themselves, not their material possessions, their connections, or their power. It’s about the abstraction of “I get you. And you get me”.

[Edit]come to a decision

1. Evaluate what you’ve learned by assessing your friendships using the suggestions above. Do you find your friend true or false? Do you feel comfortable and happy around this person or do you feel awkward, controlled and/or unhappy around him or her? Does your friend inspire and motivate you or send shivers of anger and shivers down your spine? Do you have proof that this person supports you or talks bad about you? Remind yourself that no friend is better than a bad friend, and if it turns out to be a liar, you’ll find a new friend. Also, sometimes your entire friend circle may decrease in size but increase in value, so let that be your guide.^[5]
   
   • When making your decision, keep in mind that the fact that you’ve had to question this friend’s loyalty is a red flag. Usually, the people you owe loyalty to are the ones who don’t give you cause to question them.

[Edit]Advice

• If your friend finds out that you’re plotting, they may accuse you of being unfaithful and say that they “always liked you until now”. If you don’t trust them, don’t befriend them.
• If you think your friend is lying, always get proof of what they said or did so you can confront them with proof.
• If you feel like your friend hasn’t really been there for you through your tough times, chances are they aren’t a true friend.^[6]
• A true friend is someone who appreciates you as a person even when you don’t, so if your friend is the type to talk behind your back or behind other people’s backs, this person probably isn’t a true friend.

[Edit]Warning

• If you ask other friends to talk to that friend, they might single you out for snooping.
• Reading your friend’s diary is risky. People keep track of who they are and what they’re thinking in a diary, and often it changes from day to day, mood to mood, and doesn’t necessarily reflect their general, overall feelings toward another person. Correct reflection. It’s complicated and really, it’s not a good thing for you to do or dictate relationship status.

[Edit]Reference

• 13 Essential Traits of Good Friends